I know what you're thinking, "Why on EARTH would I ever want to thank my douche of an ex? You are CRAZAAY." I know, I know. It does sound crazy. They two-timed you, couldn't handle long distance, broke your heart, the works. Quite honestly, thanking them is the last thing any of us would want to do. But try to hear me out and look at your past from the other side of the coin. Instead of looking at it as a few years of your life wasted, try looking at it as spending a few years of your life figuring out who it is you want to become, and who you want to do that with. Once you look at your relationships with this perspective, you can secretly thank your ex.
1. Thank them for teaching us to love something other than ourselves.
This goes out to our first loves and our great loves. First loves taught us to be vulnerable, to really open up to someone and created the opportunity for it to either transform the relationship to something bigger, or to hurt us. Great loves provided us with the ability to know what it feels like to be vulnerable, but willing to take the risk in order to feel something even more powerful than we have ever known. This can happen with knowing that there is a possibility of it ending, and the feelings that are felt through this. Great loves have also offered us hope, and this hope is important because a part of both of you felt that it was worth it at one time to actually give loving someone new a try.
2. Complimenting us
When they said how beautiful you looked, or how amazing you were at something showed how they were really looking and listening to you. Hearing these words of affirmation can only make us feel good. If this is something that you really cherished from previous relationships, then by all means, look for that again!
3. Believing in us when we needed it most
Remember that time when you didn't do so hot on your midterm? Remember how your then boyfriend/girlfriend decided to study with you every night for your next exam, so you could do better? Whether you know it or not, those things add up and not many people are willing to make sacrifices to help you on such a consistent basis. Your current beau may not even be willing to drive five hours to see you for one evening, just because you didn't feel good. It's important to recognize how they were there for you, so that in the future you can notice how much those things really meant to you. That way you can possibly find this for your next relationships.
4. For countless disagreements
Who doesn't fight, right? Whether it was about where to eat for dinner or how they treated your friends, disagreeing was bound to happen. Sometimes, arguments led to making up, bringing you both closer together. Other times, it created distance between you, possibly leading to your break up. Remember what circumstances led to what, and be aware of what bothered you most in those times.
5. Thank you for changing us
We aren't the same people were were before this relationship, and thank God for that. We've grown and learned how to be comfortable with someone other than ourselves. That right there is a huge accomplishment. So many times we are afraid to change and do things out of our comfort zone. They helped us to get over some of our fears, were there when new fears were created and introduced us to so many things that we would not have ever known without them. They showed us how to explore and that we don't have to do that alone. Just remember that everything does happen for a reason.
6. For making us feel wanted and even unwanted
When you were in the middle of the happiest times with them, they constantly made you feel wanted with small things like holding hands, simple kisses, opening the car door and the secret glances they would show you. When you were in the most miserable times with them, they showed you how unwanted, even undeserving, you could feel. Each time they moved away from you on the couch, avoided time spent with you, the countless ignoring and avoidance of eye contact. Both of these are important to recognize because they greatly affected how that person made you feel. Don't waste another minute being with someone who purposefully is making you feel miserable with similar situations to those. Keep note at all times how deserving you are, and someone will appreciate that.
7. Thank them for not chasing after you
By lying to us, they got our hopes up. They painted this romantic picture in our minds that we would in theory, end up happily ever after. Since this wasn't the case, we had to learn to cope and in essence, learn to live life without them. They taught us to be more cautious next time, and to be more protective of who we open our hearts to. They showed us that not everyone is honest, and how to tell when someone is being truthful or not.
8. And lastly, for finally coming to terms to forgive them for what they've done.
Forgiveness is such a powerful thing, and by doing so, it shows how much of a person you really have become out of this. Of course it is hard to get to this point, but once you have, it's an acceptable situation. It may even provide you with relief and lift that weight off of your shoulders. It is also a sign that you did it, you moved on. You don't have to actually tell them you forgive them, rather do what makes you feel as though you've overcome this struggle. It will prove to you how strong and powerful of a person you are; all because you took the step to let go.
This goes out to our first loves and our great loves. First loves taught us to be vulnerable, to really open up to someone and created the opportunity for it to either transform the relationship to something bigger, or to hurt us. Great loves provided us with the ability to know what it feels like to be vulnerable, but willing to take the risk in order to feel something even more powerful than we have ever known. This can happen with knowing that there is a possibility of it ending, and the feelings that are felt through this. Great loves have also offered us hope, and this hope is important because a part of both of you felt that it was worth it at one time to actually give loving someone new a try.
2. Complimenting us
When they said how beautiful you looked, or how amazing you were at something showed how they were really looking and listening to you. Hearing these words of affirmation can only make us feel good. If this is something that you really cherished from previous relationships, then by all means, look for that again!
3. Believing in us when we needed it most
Remember that time when you didn't do so hot on your midterm? Remember how your then boyfriend/girlfriend decided to study with you every night for your next exam, so you could do better? Whether you know it or not, those things add up and not many people are willing to make sacrifices to help you on such a consistent basis. Your current beau may not even be willing to drive five hours to see you for one evening, just because you didn't feel good. It's important to recognize how they were there for you, so that in the future you can notice how much those things really meant to you. That way you can possibly find this for your next relationships.
4. For countless disagreements
Who doesn't fight, right? Whether it was about where to eat for dinner or how they treated your friends, disagreeing was bound to happen. Sometimes, arguments led to making up, bringing you both closer together. Other times, it created distance between you, possibly leading to your break up. Remember what circumstances led to what, and be aware of what bothered you most in those times.
5. Thank you for changing us
We aren't the same people were were before this relationship, and thank God for that. We've grown and learned how to be comfortable with someone other than ourselves. That right there is a huge accomplishment. So many times we are afraid to change and do things out of our comfort zone. They helped us to get over some of our fears, were there when new fears were created and introduced us to so many things that we would not have ever known without them. They showed us how to explore and that we don't have to do that alone. Just remember that everything does happen for a reason.
6. For making us feel wanted and even unwanted
When you were in the middle of the happiest times with them, they constantly made you feel wanted with small things like holding hands, simple kisses, opening the car door and the secret glances they would show you. When you were in the most miserable times with them, they showed you how unwanted, even undeserving, you could feel. Each time they moved away from you on the couch, avoided time spent with you, the countless ignoring and avoidance of eye contact. Both of these are important to recognize because they greatly affected how that person made you feel. Don't waste another minute being with someone who purposefully is making you feel miserable with similar situations to those. Keep note at all times how deserving you are, and someone will appreciate that.
7. Thank them for not chasing after you
By lying to us, they got our hopes up. They painted this romantic picture in our minds that we would in theory, end up happily ever after. Since this wasn't the case, we had to learn to cope and in essence, learn to live life without them. They taught us to be more cautious next time, and to be more protective of who we open our hearts to. They showed us that not everyone is honest, and how to tell when someone is being truthful or not.
8. And lastly, for finally coming to terms to forgive them for what they've done.
Forgiveness is such a powerful thing, and by doing so, it shows how much of a person you really have become out of this. Of course it is hard to get to this point, but once you have, it's an acceptable situation. It may even provide you with relief and lift that weight off of your shoulders. It is also a sign that you did it, you moved on. You don't have to actually tell them you forgive them, rather do what makes you feel as though you've overcome this struggle. It will prove to you how strong and powerful of a person you are; all because you took the step to let go.