I remember the first time I was in “real love” for the first time. My boyfriend was going through a slight midlife crisis as a freshman in college. He was constantly questioning everything that he knew. He was battling with trying to be a great follower of Christ, but having difficulty with the details he felt it entailed. We went for a walk one day and he brought up something that to this day I can never shake. He asked what I thought love was. I went into the explanation, saying what I truly felt love was at the time. I don’t remember the details of what I said, but it included the way love makes you feel, much on the relationship level. He then went in to ask me about God’s love and how it is more important than the love him and I have. He used the analogy that two people in love should always be headed toward God’s love, and we get into trouble when we steer off and head toward each other instead of keeping our eyes set on God. |
At the time, I was completely taken aback by this and utterly confused. I contemplated this each day thereafter he mentioned it. I thought about how I do love God, but I couldn’t fathom how my boyfriend couldn’t have me as his number one, when he was mine. Obviously, something was off here. As you may have guessed, that relationship didn’t last and it was apparent afterwards that it was for the best. I decided to take the knowledge I learned from my first young love, as an example of how I felt about the subject with the main relationships I have had in my twenty-something years of life.
"I know my sight was always searching, but I was never really looking at what mattered." | I realized that it was always about how I felt. How they made me feel, how I thought they felt about me and the comfort I found with them. I know my sight was always searching, but I was never really looking at what mattered. Until I actually felt what love was like, the right kind, I didn't fully understand how it could shape me. |
My view had become altered, to the degree that anything I did wasn’t just for my life, but for them. My heart felt lost when I wasn’t with them, and my head was clear of the fact I wanted that person for my whole life. Everything else didn’t seem to matter much at all, because there was only one thing that I truly loved. The scary part of this was the possibility, the upsetting chance of it not working out. The reality of this is that the chances of it working out were higher than the alternative, so why would I be so afraid?
This brings me back to the conversation my then boyfriend when we were walking. The balance of my outlook of love, as many of ours are, was off kilter. It is off kilter. We constantly look to others to help us feel how we want to feel, to love and be loved in return. I finally saw what they were talking about when it basically hit me one day straight across the face. I realized that God will do all of those things for me that I previously mentioned, without the fear I had. We can always find comfort in him. We can even have him for our whole lives and much more. When our relationships end or are tough, he will always be there to help us out, provide guidance and forgive us. When our focus is on him we are able to then be the best that we can. This is something that can never be taken away from us and that is the kind of love we all are always searching for.
This brings me back to the conversation my then boyfriend when we were walking. The balance of my outlook of love, as many of ours are, was off kilter. It is off kilter. We constantly look to others to help us feel how we want to feel, to love and be loved in return. I finally saw what they were talking about when it basically hit me one day straight across the face. I realized that God will do all of those things for me that I previously mentioned, without the fear I had. We can always find comfort in him. We can even have him for our whole lives and much more. When our relationships end or are tough, he will always be there to help us out, provide guidance and forgive us. When our focus is on him we are able to then be the best that we can. This is something that can never be taken away from us and that is the kind of love we all are always searching for.